i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
