maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
