My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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