So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize