So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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