Did you just see the Batmobile???
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
