it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
