Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
