Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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