How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
