I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You left your underwear on the fireplace
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
