how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
