I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
