I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
