I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize