She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
