Hey man sorry I got all grabby
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Houston, we have a blender
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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