wanna go halves on a baby?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I don't deserve a penis
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
