Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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