I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
