I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
