No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
