Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
