What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
