She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
