clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize