Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
