you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize