Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
