I am puke
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I haven't been this sober since birth.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
