Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
