3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize