I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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