Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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