So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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