whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
