I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
