I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
