planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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