you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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