what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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