I will die if light touches me.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
