One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
