sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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