last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
