I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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