U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
