grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
