Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
