dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
