Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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