I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize
