ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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