Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
So many bounce houses so little time
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
