; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
