Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
