So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
