So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize