do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
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