Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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