And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
