im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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