Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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