Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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