Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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