I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
