YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
