please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize