i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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