You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
