Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
