apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I love you. Go after that dick
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
