So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize