living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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