But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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